Still

Still

When it all happened I don’t think I made a sound.
It seemed to have happened so fast, I was lost in a fog.
I never asked once why me, it’s just something that no one could ever foresee.
My silence made you think you could do it again and again.
My innocence you stole, it was the beginning of the end.
You said, “Don’t tell anyone, I will say it’s a lie.” My self worth was
already damaged all I could do was cry.
I believed what you said and never said a word. But what you took as silence is
completely absurd. Because you see I was always screaming, and I scream still.
I scream when I drink, I scream when I smoke, I scream everyday wondering what I’m
worth, I scream when I put the needle in my arm, I scream when I feel I just don’t belong, I scream
when I am in relationships I don’t deserve, I scream when I want to stand up for myself but don’t have the nerve,
I scream when I can’t stand on my own two feet, when I wake in the morning and feel utter defeat. I scream as I take
my anti-depressant for something that happened when I was an adolescent. I scream when I cry when I hear a song play,
when the words make me feel a certain kind of way. I scream when I realize I can’t trust, I scream because my heart was once whole
and now it’s crushed. I scream you see, all the time, but all you can see is my smile. So please never think that it didn’t change
me, because it did and I still scream.

Dedicated to all the souls that were injured by abuse. You are not alone.