Be like that
3 Doors Down
He spends his nights in California
Watching the stars on the big screen
And then he lies awake and he wonders
Why cant that be me?
‘Cause in his life he is filled
With all these good intentions
He’s left a lot of things
He’d rather not mention right now
Just before he says goodnight
He looks up with a little smile at me
And he says
If I could be like that
Well I would give anything
Just to live one day
In those shoes
If I could be like that
What would I do?
What would I do?
Yes, a song.
When it’s good it’s really good, but when it’s bad it’s downright horrible! Horrible may be an understatement. Good also may be not as descriptive as I would like. Awesome is a nice word. Earlier I mentioned that music was a great escape. Well, there is another great escape. If you have a partner In your life and you are of age you will be able to relate. If not, just wait. It is worth waiting for I promise! Back to the point I was trying to make. The second great escape is making love to your significant other. I know, I know…May sound a little cliché. Or maybe you’re just not there yet, it can be tough. It’s all about timing, timing is everything!! With this dark cloud hanging over my head every day, I rarely feel like being intimate. I guess because I don’t feel sexy at all!! How can I get into the mood when I am always in a fight or flight mode? How do you let someone touch you if you feel violated when they do? Why do we feel violated? I can tell you that I feel violated because I don’t think he really wants to touch ME! I’m just convenient. I’m here, so in my mind this is the conversation I think he is having in his own head: ‘Well, she is nasty and gross, but it’s better than nothing. I don’t have to buy her dinner first.’ When I hear those things in my own mind, how can I feel sexy? Mind you, he never says these things, ever! I say it for him. I don’t care what HIS image is of me because I already have an image of the image I think he has of me. Lol…No, the image I have convinced myself he has of me. (This is me putting things into perspective. Rare moments of clarity happen from time to time.) However, when the moment is good, well hold on to your hat buddy!!! Cause I am all in!!! The moment won’t last for too long though, so he really must work fast! Man, it must be so tough on him to have to be on this platform never knowing when to jump, or how stable his landing will be. Let’s go even further; once he lands how long before it becomes quick sand!!!! Oh, what I put him through, then I have the audacity to question his love for me. Hmm….don’t worry, this will all change in a couple pages I’m sure. I will question his love many times, because it’s all moments. This moment is good. Why can’t it all be so clear all the time?
I highlighted some of the words of the song by Blink-182 because I sometimes wish I were someone else. But God made me who I am for a reason. All my flaws, all of my gifts. I know I have a purpose. (right now, I feel I have a purpose and it feels good.) There is another song that I can relate to, maybe you can too. It’s from the Disney movie The Little Mermaid.Do I really need to highlight the words that mean something to me? Everything about this song screams that this girl had some issues!! She just wanted to be like everyone else!! Just like we do!! I see people walking around laughing and just enjoying life in general, I wish it were me. I wish I could. What holds us back? Why can’t we be part of their world? I’m still working on figuring that out. We’ll get there. We are going to dissect this thing we call life piece by piece, together. I don’t want to just go through the motions, I want to live!! Until next time, much love.
Still working on that 